If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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