# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
