he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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