im drinking this country out of the recession.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize