I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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