your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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