my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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