No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
