We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
