I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He shit in the fireplace
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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