don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
