I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
