I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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