I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
