I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
