dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
