All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
