I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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