Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
