Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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