things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
