Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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