Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize