meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
