i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
