Don't you send me to vm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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