then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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