is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i think i just lost a toe
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
