Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize