I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize