I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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