i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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