Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
