i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
