Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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