Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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