Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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