we're chasing vodka with high fives
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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