Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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