your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
