You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
