____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
