I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
