Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
