hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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