we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
