if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
