The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
