Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
