My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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