Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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