maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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