i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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