As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
