The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
