at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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