arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Drunk is a universal language darling
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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