Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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