margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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