I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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