I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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