we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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