what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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