He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
