I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
