I'm lost and stupid without you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
