his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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