Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
