Your mouth is God's brothel.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Randomize
