Porn is love you can see.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
